Intergaladdict

INT. BRAN SALVO’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Pem is waiting with Lascivious Squonk.

Bran and Jimmy the Squid enter.

PEM

Did you get the job?

Bran holds up a jar of Quisp.

BRAN

No.  But I got something better.

He tosses the jar to Pem.

She gets up and walks around them, inspecting them.

PEM

Oh, you guys are totally high.  Walking in here like a couple of blue-eared ragamuffins.  Couldn’t even wait for me, could you?

BRAN

We were jonesin’, baby.  You know how it is.

PEM

Yeah.  I know exactly how it is.

(erupting into rage)

Because I’m in the middle of the greatest motherfucking jones of my life right now!

She unscrews the lid on the jar and examines it.

INSERT - JAR

It is filled with green goo.

BACK TO SCENE

PEM (CONT’D)

What the hell is this?

BRAN

It’s Quisp, baby.

PEM

Since when is Quisp green?

JIMMY THE SQUID

It’s new.  That’s some high-quality shit you’re holding there.

Pem eyes them suspiciously.

PEM

(still suspicious)

All right.

She dips her fingers into the goo and swabs her ears.

BRAN

(eagerly)

How is it?

PEM

I’m not feeling anything.

(beat)

Where did you get this stuff?  It’s totally worthless.

JIMMY THE SQUID

We got it from a reputable Quisp dealer, where else?

BRAN

You know, now that I think about it, the stuff wasn’t all that good.  Just enough to get you through.

PEM

Oh, no.  You guys came walking in here wearing your big shit-eating grins.  You’re never naturally that happy.  Something’s wrong.

She looks them over.

INSERT - BRAN’S POCKET

There is a conspicuous bulge.

BACK TO SCENE

PEM (CONT’D)

What are you hiding?

BRAN

Who?  Me?  Nothing.  Nothing.

She lunges for him.  Bran tries to avoid her.  She tackles him.

They wrestle on the floor.  Lascivious Squonk jumps up and down on the couch.

PEM

There’s something in your pocket.

BRAN

No.  There’s nothing.  I swear.

She reaches into his pocket and pulls out a green plastic jar, shaped like a splotch.

PEM

What the hell is this, then?

She reads the label.

PEM (CONT’D)

Nickelodeon Gak.

(beat)

I suppose this is your idea of a joke.

BRAN

It was Jimmy’s idea.  I swear.

JIMMY THE SQUID

Hey!  Don’t blame me!

BRAN

Well, it was!

PEM

Will you two morons quit arguing!

BRAN

Pem, I can explain.

PEM

There’s no explanation necessary.

(angrily)

I want you out of the apartment right now!

(pointing to Lascivious)

And you can take this, this, this whatever the hell this thing is with you!

Lascivious Squonk WHIMPERS.

BRAN

Honey, please--

Pem snatches up a lamp and throws it at Bran’s head.  He ducks.  The lamp SHATTERS behind him.

PEM

Just go!  All right?  Get the hell out of here!

STREET - NIGHT
Bran, with Lascivious Squonk on his shoulder, walks next to Jimmy the Squid.

BRAN

Oh, god.  What am I going to do?

JIMMY THE SQUID

Don’t worry.  You can crash with me as long as you need to.

BRAN

But, Pem.  You don’t understand.  I love her, man.

JIMMY THE SQUID

She’ll get over it.  Just give it time.

BRAN

I’m gonna buy her the biggest jar of Quisp they make.

They walk in silence.

JIMMY THE SQUID

I don’t see why we don’t just fly out to Quisp, load up a craft, and come back.  We’d be set for life.

BRAN

What?

JIMMY THE SQUID

I said, I don’t see why we don’t fly out to Quisp--

BRAN

What do you mean fly out to Quisp?

JIMMY THE SQUID

The planet.

BRAN

The planet?

JIMMY THE SQUID

Yeah.  The planet.  Where do you think the stuff got its name?

BRAN

I never thought about it, I guess.

JIMMY THE SQUID

Apparently.